Most young people hear about choking during sex by about age 15, usually from friends, porn, a partner or the shows, songs and books they love. Talking with them early helps shape how they think about it and what they do, and research shows that hearing a few facts about the realities of choking can change young people’s plans to do it.
Before you bring it up
They’ve probably heard about it already.
15
is the average age college students first heard that people choke each other during sex.
34.5%
first heard about it from porn. Another 35.1% heard it from friends.
23.4%
chose conversations with parents as a way for students to learn how to reduce its risks.
Herbenick et al., Sexuality Research and Social Policy (2025), 973 and 4,254 college students.
A review of 52 studies found that teens whose parents talk with them about sex are more likely to have safer sex, especially for teen girls.
Widman et al., JAMA Pediatrics (2016).
The facts to say
Five facts that changed students’ plans.
Researchers tested these as short messages. Say them in your own words.
Agreeing to sex isn’t agreeing to be choked.
Choking cuts off blood flow and oxygen to the brain.
There’s no safe way to do it, including as “breath play.”
People have died from it.
The person who does the choking can be held legally responsible if someone is hurt or killed.
The evidenceMuch less likely
After reading all five facts, students who had choked a partner before were far less likely to say they planned to do it again.
Herbenick et al., Sexuality Research and Social Policy (2025), 973 college students. Measured plans, not behavior.
A way in
Start from something they’ve already seen.
It can be easier to start with a song, a book or a TV show. Use our Media Ratings to open the conversation and get your kid thinking critically about how sexual strangulation shows up in popular media.
Rated CHMusicLovin On Me
“That song has a line about choking. What do you think of it?”
Rated CHBooksTwisted Love
“That book makes choking look romantic. What do you think?”
Rated CHMerch“Choke me”
“People wear this like it’s a joke. Could it hurt someone?”
